Sunday, September 20, 2020

Comment Wall



  1. Hi Saad!
    I loved your story "The Malnourished Forest"! I think you did an awesome job of portraying the themes of deception and trust. Oftentimes, the python is the evil character in the story, but you made it so that the frogs were the ones that seemed to be in the wrong. I loved your descriptions of the various levels of trust that the animals had for one another; they really represent the message of how blind trust can lead to negative consequences. I had a couple comments for your story. Near the ending, you describe the "hungry python, his mouth watering at the sight of a delightful and tasty grasshopper." Considering that the grasshopper and the python are friends, did you mean to write "frog" instead of "grasshopper" there? I also think it would be nice if you used some dialogue for when Jeffrey informs his frog colony about his plan to eat the grasshoppers; I would love to hear what the frogs have to say, both the ones who agree with Jeffrey and those that do not. I think you could explore the theme of trust further in that regard by explaining how those who are aware of your intentions will not always take your side. I loved reading your first story and I look forward to reading more of your portfolio in the next few weeks!

  2. Hello Saad, You have an interesting website, with an interesting story. This is a good pair. I may suggest adding a little bit of navigation of information to the home page, as it is very bland. This will helo grab readers' attention and even help with gaining more feedback and comments. Aside from the home page, your story page is full of wonderful color-coordinated illustrations. I really enjoyed seeing the pictures. Maybe you can add, how these pictures serve for your story. I like your story, however, I believe you can make is 10x better if you added some dialogue. This was a suggestion/ revision that I made to my story, which dramatically improved my story. This step is fairly simple, as you make conversation with two or more characters. If you really wanted to, you can add one set of dialouge that serves for the inner minds of your characters. The plot goes with your imagination, keep up the good work.

  3. Hi Saad!
    I really liked your story "The Malnourished Forest" and was instantly sucked in just from reading the title. I haven't seen a lot of stories based off of the Jatakas yet, but they were one of my favorite readings that we've done this semester, so I am looking forward to seeing what other paths you decide to take with it. You did a great job of portraying the themes you discussed, and I think that having that specific goal in mind helps a lot. I agree with the other comments though, and I think your story could definitely benefit from adding some dialogue, just as any story could! Also, I really like the layout of your page with all the pictures, but it is a bit hard to read. I'm not sure if there's any way that you could make the font a little bigger, but if so, that could be good! I'm excited to read more, good luck with the rest of your project!

  4. Hey Saad!

    The portfolio site you have made is great! I suggest adding a bit of detail to the cover page. Maybe something about what kinds of stories you'll be telling in your portfolio. Furthermore, I absolutely enjoyed reading "The Malnourished Forest." The story was laid out perfectly, in my opinion. I like how you were consistent throughout the story on portraying the grasshoppers as the most innocent creatures! The change in characters from the original story was a great idea, and you made it seem like an easy transition. Furthermore, I think the best part about your retold story would be that you were still able to induce the original theme or message from the story. Your authors note really tied everything together. The conveyed message from the story was clear in your retold story, thus being a great read! I like forward to reading more from your portfolio!

  5. Hey Saad,
    I enjoyed reading your stories. The first thing I noticed is maybe add something more personal or creative to the title of this portfolio, Epics of India is ok but you can add your name in their or a theme to the stories in general. The portfolio page is kind of bland but so is mine. I think improvements can be made to the page but we still have a lot of time to get this done before the semester is over. The "Malnourished Forest" story was my favorite of the two. There was thing ongoing feeling of knowing that the snake was up to no good and it made me want to keep reading so that I would know what was going to happen. Some of my favorite stories are the ones when people use animals as the main character. I really enjoyed the story though and you are making great progress.
    Philip Crowley

  6. Hi Saad,
    TAG. I enjoy how your portfolio is set up. I think you did a good job on explaining your stories in good detail and changing them up enough. I also agree with Philip in his comment when he said a more personal or creative title would make this portfolio that much better. I like how you include 3 pictures in your story, "The Malnourished Forest." I really think you used great diction and word choice in your stories. I like how you include lots of dialogue from the characters in the stories you chose to write. My favorite story of the 2 would be "The Malnourished Forest." I also think the text could be a different color instead of white for this story because the background really makes it a little bit hard to read everything. Overall, you are doing a great job with the way you tell your stories and how the portfolio is set up.

  7. Hi Saad,
    First of all, I am very impressed by the appearance and design of your blog's format, especially for the Malnourished Forest. I love the way you have the animal pictures on a unique green background under the forest background of the header, with a more detailed forest background below. It looks GREAT and you clearly have a talent for web design. I like the white font, but I wonder if it would be a good idea to make the font a little bigger? After reading the story, I think the pictures help make your characters less abstract. I might have to adopt a similar strategy with my blog. I like the story a lot. For the second story, I also liked your design. I felt immediately transported to a snowy winter peak upon entering this page. What a great way to set the scene! You have definitely inspired me to try to incorporate more visual aids for my work.

  8. Hello Saad! I really love the visual imagery at the top of your first story with the pictures of each specific creature. This gave me a visual of the characters in the story before even reading the first sentence. The background of the rainforest also added very well to the immersion I feel, since the setting in the story is also a rainforest. Your story itself is a great rendition of "The Giant Crab", where I feel you hit home the same message and moral of the story, but you obviously told it in your own unique way with a complete different location and creatures. I also really dig how the frogs seem to be the ones in the wrong in this case, where it typically seems the snakes are always the creatures that are associated with evil in fiction. This was indeed a breath of fresh air!

  9. Hey Saad! Since this week we were assigned to comment on Author's notes I wanted to tell you that yours are very well stated and serve to add a lot to your storybook. Your stories are excellent but the authors notes' inform the readers as to why you wrote what you did and add background information to the characters you brought to life. Also, I specifically enjoyed reading the story titled, "Kubera's Tale." You visualized the Himalayan mountains and let the readers into the mind of Kubera. I chuckled when he said he has expensive taste at the end as it showed how content he was in life. We didn't get to hear much about Kubera in the Mahabharata and it was exciting to see this character open up so we could learn more about him. Keep up the good work Saad!

  10. Hi Saad,
    I enjoyed reading your story about the Kumbhakarna and how he turns the rakshasas into stew after they trick him into thinking that they made him goat stew.
    Reading your story, I felt like it gave me a pretty good idea of what kind of a character Kumbhakarna is. He is so angry at being woken up by the rakshasas that he not only refuses to help them, but decides to eat them!
    A suggestion for a possible edit to your author's note would be to talk more about the way Kumbhakarna is portrayed in the version of the Ramayana you read. I actually don't remember this character in Narayan's version, maybe because he didn't play as big of a role in the overall plot, like you pointed out. I'm curious as to how he enters the story, and how he is portrayed in the Ramayana. Are there any aspects of his personality other than his intelligence, which you mentioned already, that you changed or further developed in your story?

  11. Hey Saad!
    I really like your portfolio! The stories all seem to work well together. I also really liked that the first story had that whole page picture. It would have been really nice if you had kept that going for your other stories as well, I think it would have really added to reading them. Especially the third story with having two of the same background picture looks kind of strange with one moving behind the other. I'm from the Myth and Folklore class so I am not familiar with the stories I think your author's notes are pretty well written and I could get a good grasp of what you were trying to convey what you have changed and what was from the original story. I don't know if it's required for a portfolio, but adding a small intro page may also help a new reader get oriented to what you are about to introduce and talk about in your website.

  12. Hi Saad, great job on your stories and you very accurate on the details. Your style is great but perhaps you could try adding more dialogue to your stories. You have one of the best designs for your page and I'm looking forward to read more from you!


Week 13 Story: 100 Word Story

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