Sunday, September 20, 2020

Comment Wall



  1. Hi Saad!
    I loved your story "The Malnourished Forest"! I think you did an awesome job of portraying the themes of deception and trust. Oftentimes, the python is the evil character in the story, but you made it so that the frogs were the ones that seemed to be in the wrong. I loved your descriptions of the various levels of trust that the animals had for one another; they really represent the message of how blind trust can lead to negative consequences. I had a couple comments for your story. Near the ending, you describe the "hungry python, his mouth watering at the sight of a delightful and tasty grasshopper." Considering that the grasshopper and the python are friends, did you mean to write "frog" instead of "grasshopper" there? I also think it would be nice if you used some dialogue for when Jeffrey informs his frog colony about his plan to eat the grasshoppers; I would love to hear what the frogs have to say, both the ones who agree with Jeffrey and those that do not. I think you could explore the theme of trust further in that regard by explaining how those who are aware of your intentions will not always take your side. I loved reading your first story and I look forward to reading more of your portfolio in the next few weeks!

  2. Hello Saad, You have an interesting website, with an interesting story. This is a good pair. I may suggest adding a little bit of navigation of information to the home page, as it is very bland. This will helo grab readers' attention and even help with gaining more feedback and comments. Aside from the home page, your story page is full of wonderful color-coordinated illustrations. I really enjoyed seeing the pictures. Maybe you can add, how these pictures serve for your story. I like your story, however, I believe you can make is 10x better if you added some dialogue. This was a suggestion/ revision that I made to my story, which dramatically improved my story. This step is fairly simple, as you make conversation with two or more characters. If you really wanted to, you can add one set of dialouge that serves for the inner minds of your characters. The plot goes with your imagination, keep up the good work.

  3. Hi Saad!
    I really liked your story "The Malnourished Forest" and was instantly sucked in just from reading the title. I haven't seen a lot of stories based off of the Jatakas yet, but they were one of my favorite readings that we've done this semester, so I am looking forward to seeing what other paths you decide to take with it. You did a great job of portraying the themes you discussed, and I think that having that specific goal in mind helps a lot. I agree with the other comments though, and I think your story could definitely benefit from adding some dialogue, just as any story could! Also, I really like the layout of your page with all the pictures, but it is a bit hard to read. I'm not sure if there's any way that you could make the font a little bigger, but if so, that could be good! I'm excited to read more, good luck with the rest of your project!

  4. Hey Saad!

    The portfolio site you have made is great! I suggest adding a bit of detail to the cover page. Maybe something about what kinds of stories you'll be telling in your portfolio. Furthermore, I absolutely enjoyed reading "The Malnourished Forest." The story was laid out perfectly, in my opinion. I like how you were consistent throughout the story on portraying the grasshoppers as the most innocent creatures! The change in characters from the original story was a great idea, and you made it seem like an easy transition. Furthermore, I think the best part about your retold story would be that you were still able to induce the original theme or message from the story. Your authors note really tied everything together. The conveyed message from the story was clear in your retold story, thus being a great read! I like forward to reading more from your portfolio!

  5. Hey Saad,
    I enjoyed reading your stories. The first thing I noticed is maybe add something more personal or creative to the title of this portfolio, Epics of India is ok but you can add your name in their or a theme to the stories in general. The portfolio page is kind of bland but so is mine. I think improvements can be made to the page but we still have a lot of time to get this done before the semester is over. The "Malnourished Forest" story was my favorite of the two. There was thing ongoing feeling of knowing that the snake was up to no good and it made me want to keep reading so that I would know what was going to happen. Some of my favorite stories are the ones when people use animals as the main character. I really enjoyed the story though and you are making great progress.
    Philip Crowley


Week 8 Progress

 Progress Overall I would say I am happy with my progress thus far. I think I have significantly improved my writing skills and my level of ...