The avatar ran aggressively deep through the dense and thick forest, chasing after the cursed demon who posed a threat on his wife.
"Thee won't receiveth her o'er mine own dead corse!" the avatar called chasing the demon. The demon had run down to the river waiting for the avatar to arrive so he could kill him.
"Thee doth not standeth a chance 'gainst me, thy existence is a disgrace and thou art not fit to beest a king. Cometh h're to kicketh the bucket!" called the demon, holding three large spears and a mouth full of fire.
The avatar attacked the demon from behind, propeling the two into the flowing river. The demon's fire was extinguished but he was still stronger than the avatar. The avatar stole a spear from the demon and attempted to lodge it into it's heart. A demonic spirit came sweeping through, taking the spear out of the avatar's hand and picked up him in mid air right above the water.
"Thy fath'r hadst curs'd us, that gent wast a filthy sir! anon i planeth to killeth thee since i wast unable to killeth that gent!"
The people of the forest had been cursed by Dhasharatha previously for attacking an innocent boy for trespassing onto their lands, in seek of divine medicine. The curse had stayed with them for centuries.
The avatar's companions had come and distracted the spirit, releasing him back into the water with the demon. He had landed right on the demon's head, stole his spear, leaped up into the air with the spear pointing down and came right down through the center of it's skull, his body passed down through the river bank. The spirit was now on a mission to abduct his wife, so he faked the avatars voice and cried for help.
"Help me! help me please for i am in grave danger!"
The avatar's wife heard his plea for help and her heart sank.
"I am coming f'r thee my love! Stay putteth!"
And with that she set out into the hands of the cursed spirit.
Authors Note: The story I retold was The Chase from the PDE Ramayana. The avatar in the story was Rama, the demon was Rakshasa, and the wife was Sita. The story focuses on the fight between the demon and Rama, and results in a holy spirit trying to lure in Sita in the hopes of punishing Rama by taking away his love.
Bibliography: PDE Ramayana, The Chase
Hi Saad!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your Week 3 Story. After reading your version, I read the original source story as well. I truly feel like you did a great job on retelling the story. I was extremely amused by your style of writing. It is very unique from the style of writing I am used to reading. You did a great job showing the dramatic plot line between the fight of Rama and the demon. Keep up the excellent work.
Hi Saad!
ReplyDeleteAt first I was kind of skeptical of your caricature of old-timey words and syntax, because I personally am a HUGE sucker for that style of writing, but the line "Cometh h're to kicketh the bucket" made me laugh out loud. The way you made the characters talk was really funny.
My feedback would be to flesh out the plot of the story a little more. You changed it to be different from the original, but there are a lot of added elements that I was a little confused about. For instance, what does it mean that the protagonist is the "avatar"? Why does the evil spirit decide to abduct the protagonist's wife? Who are the avatar's "companions" and why is he in the forest?
It might be a good idea to stick to the original plot, give some more background, or just cut out the complicated/confusing parts so that the plot is easier to understand and the focus can be on the humor in the writing :)